Thursday, June 30, 2005
Monday, June 13, 2005
Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song
Intro: This is a song, that uh, theres alot of Xmas songs out there, but not too many about Hanukkah, so I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who dont get to hear any Hanukkah songs--here we go...
Put on your yalmulka, here comes Hanukkah
Its so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah,
Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town without a Xmas tree,
Heres a list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me:
David Lee Roth lights the menorrah,
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah
Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli,
Bowzer from Sha-na-na, and Arthur Fonzerrelli.
Paul Newmans half Jewish; Goldie Hawns half too,
Put them together--what a fine lookin Jew!
You dont need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock
Cause you can spin the dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock--both Jewish!
Put on your yalmulka, its time for Hanukkah,
The owner of the Seattle Super Sonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah.
O.J. Simpson-- not a Jew!
But guess who is...Hall of Famer--Rod Carew--(he converted!)
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Fords a quarter Jewish-- not too shabby!
Some people think that Ebeneezer Scrooge is,
Well, he's not, but guess who is: All three stooges.
So many Jews are in show biz--Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is.
Tell your friend Veronica, its time you celebrate Hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah.
So drink your gin-and-tonic-ah, and smoke your marajuanic-ah,
If you really, really wanna-kah, Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Creative Insults
When You're Angry...
--Bill Pullman, Spaceballs.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Braveheart for the Single
Ask him, and he may say no.
Don’t ask him, and he won’t reject you.
But years from now, alone in your retirement home,
Thinking back on today,
Would you be willing to trade all of those lonely days
Between now and then
For one chance
That he may say yes.
Missing Innocence
Romping through the forests wild
Weaving round the trees, this child
Shows us what we are missing.
Once, we too were like this golden haired
Youth, fearless and bold we dared
Our playground to show us something
We did not bid into our dream.
But then the monster of adolescence
Kidnapped the spirit of our innocence
And locked it in a tower, far away.
We tried to rally to our cause,
“Come with us and retrieve what was lost!”
But no ally joined us on that day,
And slowly, we joined their apathy.
We forgot what it was like to be carefree
And to believe in things we couldn’t see
We became those creatures we once only saw in shadow.
We took pride in that title, “Adult”
Not realizing that this cult
Would never let us return now that we know
That beyond the forest, nothing grows.
Our only hope to regain that tower
That holds our innocence in its power
Is to have children of our own.
Only with them as our guides
Can we be allowed back inside
For now we shall never alone
Reenter the play we had once known.