Junior Camp Counselor Psalms

Lord, give me patience when mine enemies are hurling mud at me with their slingshots.
Lord, let me not react when mine enemies use not my name but some vulgar term instead.
Lord, let me be kind to those who listen not and heed not mine instructions.
Lord, let me be the calm center though all around me is chaos and screaming.
Let mine words hold weight and be carefully chosen to the situation.
Lord, be a gag unto mine enemies' mouths.
Lord, put hobbles round mine enemies ankles when I am desirous of them to stay put.
Lord, let their attention be unto me when I give instructions as a 16 year old cheerleader is to a pretty boy quarterback.
Lord, let them find endless entertainment in the creek and surrounding woods.
Give them not allergic reactions to bites or weeds, for their cries would rise against me and give me no rest.
Let them not find sources of sugar, nor of caffeine, for their energies would have no bounds.
Lord, give me games that shall tire out mine enemies and send them into quick slumber.