Journal 4.17

Oh, tonight was wonderful. Cast parties are fun, but that's not what was wonderful. So we had to carpool to the party because of a lack of parking, so I had to leave my vehicle where we had the play. (I'm a techie, just so you don't try to picture me acting) So when A (my ride) wants to leave, I gotto go. So the party was at a house on this back road, in the middle of the woods, and it's like, 3:30 in the morning, and we have to walk up a dirt road with no street lights to get to our cars. A couple of guys, D & E, were escorting A, F, G, and myself to the cars since they felt like leaving too. One flashlight for all of us. I feel bold and like showing off, so I go skipping into the dark ahead of everyone. Around the corner, I (barely) see a big tree alongside the road. I'm not stupid so I decide to lean against it while they catch up. But they weren't coming. They were still getting ready to go. Someone forgot their purse or they decided to say goodbye, actually, in addition to that, E was coming. He wasn't before, when I left. And standing in the near pitch black, leaning against a tree, I got this awesome rush. I was scared, and part of my mind was thinking of cougars and rapists, and another was thinking about God and how He'll protect me, and another was thinking, well, He doesn't protect all Christians from suffering consequences of stupid actions, and the last part of me was thinking, I'm wearing a black sweater, it's dark, no one knows I'm here, no one's in the dark, I can still hear, and I don't hear footsteps. I'm fine. So my pulse slowed, but the adrenaline was still there. I listened to the wind in the trees, I watched the moonlight cast shadows up ahead on the trail, I touched the tree behind me and felt the moss, and it was so dark and intimate. And then everyone was ready and they came up the trail, and they found me, though I wasn't really hiding, I just wasn't moving. I think I did impress them, because the girls seemed to need the flashlight, and D also ran up ahead of the light, I think to show that guys aren't afraid either. And all in the car, and even now, I still feel the adrenaline, though it's fading, and that quiet, intimate rush I felt. Okay, now to see how long the caffeine will last.