NARNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got back from a previewing thing, and I'm still jazzed up. It is spectacular, wonderful, magnificent, beautiful, marvelous, exciting, wonderful, beautiful- okay, I'm repeating myself. I'll stop. *stunned silence while reflecting* It was wonderful. I mean, great. Yes, obviously, they cut plot corners, but the way they sewed it back together was just magnificent. They didn't take anything out, really, for those fellow Narnia lovers, they just cut out the unnecessary waiting in some parts, and it fit really nicely. Oh, it was great. One thing, okay, two things that I have an artistic beef about are: the white witch and the centaurs. She wasn't scary enough, but for some reason, I've noticed that I have that opinion of all the villain's lately. There hasn't been a single villain up to my villain standards, when acted by a person. So I guess that doesn't mean anything against the movie. But the centaurs felt disproportioned. I said that they should have made the horse part smaller, but my friend pointed out to me that centaurs are supposed to be huge and intimidating, and I agree, so they really should have made the human part larger. And good job not putting a saddle on the unicorn. Oh, and the witch's dresses were hideous. But yay! Lucy's so cute! Yay! Tumnus is almost hot! Yay! the beavers were funny! Yay! sibling relationships were great! Yay! for German night raids! Yay! for phoenixes! phoenixi... Yay! for griffins with tail feathers! (no, really, it's great) Yay! for Edmund! Yay! for Susan! Yay! for Peter! Yay! for the centaur general! Yay! For ASLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful.

Scary nightmare thing. She's digging her fingers into the sandy ground, btw.

Girl with cello

Cool Jedi thing

Finals

So, I haven't been very creative lately... I drew some pictures, but... okay, I'll try to post them, I guess. Anyway, to make up for it, I'm going to share this funny deal that my boss found today. Great place to work. Find great stuff like this.

Finals!!!

Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,
The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
While visions of essays danced in their heads.

In my apartment, I had been pacing,
And dreaded exams I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee, and brewed a new pot.
No longer caring that my nerves were all shot.

I stared at my notes, but my thoughts they were muddy,
My eyes went a blur, I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help," I said with a shiver,
But each place I called refused to deliver.
I'd nearly concluded that life was too cruel,
With futures depending on grades had in school.

When all of a sudden, our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off ambled inside.
Her spirit was careless, her manner was mellow,
She wore a white toga, she started to bellow:
"What kind of student would make such a fuss,
To toss back at teachers what they tossed at us?"

"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes! On last year's exams!
On Wingit and Slingit, and last minute crams!"
Her message delivered, she vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing outside in the night.
"Your teachers have pegged you, so just do your best.
Happy finals to all, and to all, a good test!"

Screw Orion

So, all semester I've been wanting a boyfriend, and all semester I've been attracted to every other guy, and all semester no one's shown any slightest bit of interest. And this is without flirting. Were I to take matters into my own hands (and out of God's), I could probably find someone. But I've done that before, and I think that I lose interest with guys acquired too easily. Like, I ask them out, and they say yes (not all guys would, just the ones I'd ask), and it was easy, but then after I've started the relationship, I sit back and wait for them to pick up the reins, and they don't, because they aren't the personality type to do that, they couldn't even ask a girl out, so then I get bored and dump them. I got sick of asking guys out to dances, and for Senior Prom I swore I wouldn't. You would not believe the manipulation and mind games I had to play in order to get Matt to ask me. Nearly made me sick, and I almost lost patience and asked him. But linking that to now, not only would instigating something go against waiting for God's timing, but I don't want to.

I want a guy with a friggin backbone. Who will ask me out. Who is interested in me. Namely, no one here. Either everyone here is not interested in me, in which case, I don't want to go out with them, or they're too scared to ask me out, so I wouldn't want to go out with them either. So I'm not dating because there are no guys around who measure up to my standards. It's about perspective. It's not that they don't want to date me, it's that I wouldn't want them to, even if they would. *sigh* Actually, there are some guys who may ask me out in the future, but I'm too shallow to like them. But that's a standard too, right? I should like them to go out with them?

You know, none of this made sense. It just feels better to say, "It's not me, it's all of them."

Fat Lady

I feel like a fat lady in a china shop when I'm driving. I should be more confident and all that by now, but it's hard to just drive when I'm hanging out in front and sticking out behind, and I still don't know how wide I am. I drive a Blazer, and it's harder to maneuver a big girl like that than a little normal car. I'm getting better at parking, I'm between the lines, but I still park in the back of a full parking lot rather than try to squeeze between two cars. I tend to go too close on my side, and I can't see the little guy on my right, so I don't know if I'm totally scraping up against him or if he can get into his car, so I just don't deal with it and park in the back. Well, the middle, I haven't had to go to the back yet. But Christmas is coming up, so I wouldn't be surprised if I did. I still don't know how to change the hubby things into four wheel drive. I keep meaning to ask Dad how when I visit, but I always forget in the "when was the last time you changed your oil?" conversations. I still haven't checked my coolant level in a while. Oi. But at least it's warmer now. Found out this weekend that my vent was open. That explains why my feet have been frigid even after driving for an hour. Now it gets real warm in ten minutes. Mmm baby. Baby... That's what I call my car. Baby. I want to give her a real name though. I'll still call her Baby, but she deserves the dignity of a name. I'm between finding out the name of the Fat Lady in the Picture and Madame Maxime's first name from Harry Potter. Still don't know either of their names, but I think I'm leaning toward Maxime's. She's big, and she's not afraid to rough it, yet she's sophisticated. I think that fits my car. Gimme a sec. Olympe. Hm. Maybe just call her Maxime. I don't know. What do you guys think?

On the Death of a Tree

She watched in horror as it slithered up to her children.
They played joyously with it, petting it,
until it gently took them in its jaws
and tore them to shreds.
Standing strong, she shields the remainder of her children behind her.
Growling loudly, it faces her, stalking slowly.
Finally it charges, and clamps down on her body.
Groaning, she struggles to keep her footing,
but is mercilessly dragged off to be dismembered and fed to its offspring.

Vodka

It assaults the tongue
And dry humps it
Until the offended member
Is forced out of the mouth

What's up today

You know, some people use their blogs to comment on life. Hm. Never occured to me, except for the Journal entries. Let's try it, and see if anyone cares.

I wonder if I'm getting more attention today because I'm wearing my padded pushup bra. I have a suspicion that I get slightly more male attention when I wear this, but I haven't been paying attention enough on days I do to know if that's what it is, or if it's just a weird day. More strange guys have said hi, and familiar guys have been seen more often.

Does it make that much difference? I didn't think that a 1/4 inch of padding and a little elevation is easily discernable. But then I don't know how often guys analyze a girl's rack for that miniscule difference.

What else is up? Got a crush on a guy. Going to be a Jedi for Halloween with my friend. Still have to finish sewing her cloak, and fix the hem on mine. What's funny is that she and I collaborated, and discovered that there's going to be a Leia, a Luke, and a Vader on campus too, but they weren't doing it together. We're the whole package and largely on accident. The other Jedi wants me to sit in a class with her on Halloween for effect for a teacher.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I find anything conclusive on the effects of my bra.

Untitled

It begins with a seed
It appears in your hand
Startled, some are dropt
And lost among the filth
Others are guarded
And carefully nurtured
Wringing out the brain
Squeezing a few drops
To water our gift
The bud appears
Coaxed open with a pen
Painted with ink
With beautiful paper leaves

Wow, so excited!

So, I play cello in my college orchestra. The class is called "orchestra," though really, if you were going to describe us, we'd be an unbalanced quartet.

For those of you who aren't music experts, "orchestra" is the whole huge musical group, sometimes including band, but usually only talking about the stringed instruments. "Quartet" are two violins, a viola, and a cello. Everyone knows what a violin is, a viola is slightly larger and deeper sounding, a cello is sat with it between the player's legs, and the bass is the huge one that they need to stand to play. Our group is two violinists, a viola/violinist/teacher, a viola, two cellos, and a bass. We bigger, lower instruments have a tendency to overpower the smaller, higher instruments, thus making us unbalanced and very careful regarding dynamics ("loudness factors," to you laymen).

Anyway, our group has been really small lately, but just this year we were invited to perform in band/choir thingys, and tomorrow we're going to be the music for the bass player's friend's wedding. *excited* And we sound good. The bride wants "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desires" for the procession, "Pachobell's Canon in D" for her entrance, and "Pink Panther theme" for the recession. That's fun. And we'll be there tomorrow and we'll be sitting up there on the platform while she's getting married, and we have beyond front row seats, and we get to see their faces during the ceremony while no one else does, and the bass player will be crying, and it'll be so cool. Okay, well, just wanted to share that. Good night!

What is the grass?

What is the grass? She asked a top the table
Bracing for ridicule, heart pounding
From the nerve it took to climb.
Our eyes widen for a moment
Then return to our desks,
Content to ignore this bold one who stands in our periphery.
We allow her a moment of rebellion,
Sure that she will climb down, ineffective,
And continue life sitting.

Missing Orion

This past summer, I have been distraught to realize that I can't find Orion. My favorite constellation, once because it was the only one I could locate regularly, now because he's always in the sky, year round, and what better symbol for this love struck woman than the ultimate Man constellation? The only guy who's always there, no matter what's going on. So you can imagine my frustration when over the past summer, away from my family and friends, I can't find my boy stars a single night. There are witnesses for how long and hard I have searched the skies many nights. And the few I could recruit to try and help me were unable to, as well. I know this is ridiculous, an entire constellation cannot just vanish (imagine the astrology buffs, they'd probably have an aneurism). But even now, in the fall, I still cannot locate my constellation.

This has made me consider my position with boys, and how this event is, in a way, symbolic of my life right now. For as long as my memory stretches back into the past, I have had romantic interests in boys. Yes, even in preschool, there was that one boy in the playground that I would secretly wish would play with me. I have never been without a crush or romantic interest, however unrequited it would be. As I have never been unable to identify and locate Orion. But in college, there are new dynamics. It's no longer enough to date. People here have a PURPOSE. I was horrified to learn that a boy I was trying to flirt with was married! This was a new thing for me to have to be aware of and sensitive to.

Thus, over the past year, I have had fewer romantic interests, and they have had the question over them, "will he be the One?" a new question, but one inspired and encouraged by the matrimonial environment that I have found myself in. And each boy that I have put on my list of potential mates has been given to someone else. One is engaged, another dating, both very serious. Just as I can find no unattached boy that I had my heart set on, so I can no longer find my Orion in the sky.

I have always known that my preoccupation with boys has distracted me from God. I had a very heartfelt conversation with Him over the summer, asking for His help. To which, I got a very mixed signal. Since then, I forgot about my desire to no longer put boys ahead of God, and thus, the second boy on my list of potentials was found to be crossed off. Every boy I reach for, God gives to another girl, just as deserving, though more in tune with the Holy One. And I am reminded of my request for help. I need to stop searching for Orion. I need to be content that every star that God made is equally beautiful and worthy. And when it is the right time, when I am ready for him, God will reveal Orion to me.

The Library

Arrow on the string,
I enter the jungle wild.
Not to return
Until I've faced my trial.

Swimming across the stream
Where natives pole past,
I reach the foot of the cliff
Where years ago, I may have retreated, aghast.

But now with skill
I silently scale the rock.
Anticipating what I may find
When I reach the top.

Another forest
Laced with trails aplenty,
Aimed to discourage,
But it falters not my smile of glee.

Stalking up some,
Abandoning others,
I sniff out my prey
Ignoring its brothers.

Passing fellow hunters
My heart begins to race.
Did they already find my prize?
Make the kill in this place?

Worried now, I increase my pace.
Where, oh where, is my trophy?
Finally I spot its den
Watching it recline, free.

Eye along the sight
My goal's life I take.
Hesitate a moment,
Then also capture its mate.

Carrying my kill proudly
Back down the cliff,
Across the river,
Backtracking my trip.

I stop for a moment
At the native outpost,
Showing them my catch,
Trying hard not to boast.

Finally back into the world
I go, taking note of a pretty
catch I'd seen, that would make
a good prize on my next journey.

History in my hand

Watching the sun start to sink
I wonder how many before me
have also sat upon the beach
and waited for the end of day.

Digging my hand into the sand,
I think about what sand is made of:
dirt, skin, crushed shells, washed
ashore by the waves for thousands of years.

Sitting there, by myself,
I imagine all the sunken ships and their treasure,
the generals and kings, buried and decayed,
falling into the sea to be transported here.

Holding in my hand, fragments of our history
I consider my earthen vessel,
one day to join these heros and cowards,
to mingle my dust with theirs
and join eternity.

Journal 9.31

Been awhile. My fish, Lord Kelvin, is trying to impale himself on the plastic plant in his mini tank. I'm considering taking it out. But then he wouldn't have anything to swim laps around.

So, spent half my summer away from family, doing church camps for a month, attending my church's conference. Dealt with all age groups between 5-14. Yikes. I am officially the princess (not quite the queen) of camp songs/games. The other half of my summer was spent sleeping, eating, watching movies and driving.

Watched Gone with the Wind for the first time. Now I understand Clark Gable fans. Wow. Hottie right there. Guys just don't have that kind of charm and charisma anymore. Or if they do, they waste it on people who aren't me. And idgit Scarlet. I thought she was ugly from the beginning. What "spark" of charm? Didn't like her at all.

Also watched the Blade Trilogy. That's a weird combo with GWTW above. First one was grossest, second one was computerizedest, and the third one sucked. The one with Dracula and the crappy choreographed fight scenes. If I were going to use Dracula in a movie, I wouldn't send him out that early to meet the hero, I definetly wouldn't have had him run away, and I certainly wouldn't have had him give the hero a moral choice between saving the baby or chasing after Drake some more. That was a waste of a good bad guy. Overall, they were all good, it's just that they all had their sucky moments, and the last one had the worst ones. There were a lot of things I liked in the movies, I just can't think of any cause I'm a negative person who likes destructive criticism.

Trying to finish Moby Dick. Almost done. I have like, 5 chapters left, and we still haven't seen that stupid albino whale. You know, I think I'll finish it now. See ya!

Grey/Gray

People always complain when I use grey. "It's English, we're American." Come on, people, that was over two hundred years ago, get over it. Besides, there's more of a difference between grey and gray than a vowel and an ocean.

Grey is, well, grey: a combination of black and white, but it's got a light tan in it that makes it a light slatey color. The color of old Roman roads and Scottish walls.

Gray has blue in it, making it darker and wetter than grey. The color of Rocky Mountains in the distance and Pacific clouds.

When I mean grey, I'll say grey. When I mean gray, I'll say gray. Get off my back for having a language.

Free Fall (Gotta Pee) by Philip Lawton

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

I have to pee
No sympathy
On the plane with my
bladder expanding

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

This trip is very tripy
I really have to pee
Try not to think about bubbling
brooks and running streams
I think my kidneys are bursting
at the seams

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

I feel the pressure building
Wish I could use the john
I really have to pee

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

Wonder when this song's gonna end
I thought the flight
was just around the bend
I really have to pee
Can't anybody see

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

Wonder what's in my wonderball
had to spend an jour waiting for a stall
I still have to pee
I really gotta go wee
Wish I had a cup right now
Then this would be over somehow

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

The lights are bright
they turn them on at night
This song is long
gonna see my mom (and pee)

It's like a free fall but then the seat catches you.

The Workroom

I snatch my pencil and use it to unlock my notebook.
I've entered my workroom.
My experiences are thrown together in a corner,
Characters I've made hang along a wall.
Shall I use one or craft another
Using the material on the floor?
I don't have the patience right now to start from scratch.
Scanning my clothing rack, I slowly spread a wolfish grin.
Pulling the black leather from its hook, I nod, satisfied.
I was in a rather diabolical mood, after all.
I dress, spread pale foundation on my skin, and fix my canine extensions in place.
Flowing to the exit door, i smirk,
Imagining the chaos I shall unleash upon my world.
Turning the knob, I step into an alley,
The streetlights transforming the rain into dying fireflies.
The make up disappears, and my extensions fade,
To be replaced by a hunger only quenched by blood and pain.
Tonight I shall feed and kill.
Tomorrow I may return.
Sometimes to hunt the sheep,
Sometimes to hunt the wolf.